Every place has its pros and cons
It’s been four years since I left LA for Tokyo. I’m back visiting right now and have felt some things I didn’t expected to on this trip so I wanted to document them. This is my second time back in the U.S. since I moved away four years ago. My first visit was almost exactly a year ago, or three years after I left.
When I came back a year ago, the moment I landed in LAX and got out of the airport I instantly felt this sense of freedom, something I knew I was giving up leaving the U.S. but was nonetheless good to be feeling again. It’s quite hard to describe but…basically I could do anything and no one would care to even look my way. There is something very liberating about that. Strangely it’s kind of similar to the liberation after being able to go to the public onsen/bath fully naked in Japan for the very first time… maybe that’s why it’s so popular?!
On that trip a year back, I was on paid leave the entire time, because I was only here to spend time with my sister and to attend a wedding. I got plenty of time to make the rounds to see my friends and the spots I wanted to hit. I saw similar views and enjoyed walking down memory lane as I went out and about. I felt nostalgic but was satisfied after the trip having done almost everything I missed doing.
This trip, however, has been different. The first part of my trip was work-related, which led me to head in and out of where I was staying every day for work and living sort of the “daily life” of an office worker. I also happened to stay around where I used to live, so it almost felt like I was back in my old life, which was a bit of a bizarre feeling.
I was familiar with the surroundings, knew how things worked, and could move through the day to day with practically no friction, easily navigating through LA traffic and going to my usual spots for food and groceries. Even my coworkers commented on how naturally I could fit in locally. Well, I guess 12 years would do that for you.
By the end of my time in LA I began feeling like I wish I had more time. I wanted to take a few more days to spend time in the familiar city, going on drives to hit my comfort spots around town and maybe a few more local eateries, but nope my time was up.
What I’ve been reminded most of on this trip was all the good I had to leave behind in LA. There are pros and cons to everything but maybe it’s because I was also here for work…maybe it’s something else, but on this trip I could somehow see myself back here again. That’s kind of a scary thought because I don’t want to go back and forth switching between towns and careers.
Back when I decided to leave LA, there was really nothing terribly wrong about my life, but at one point I started to feel unsafe walking down the street and unsure if it was ever going to get better. On this trip I was reminded of so many positives about living in the US, but I shouldn’t forget I was only able to do it while walking around with a pepper spray in my hand. The regular feeling of being “potentially” in danger on the streets and a conflict subtly brewing in the air seems to have worn off a little after all these years, but I want to be careful with imagining life back here again, because unless something has changed dramatically, that feeling that has worn off will eventually come back.
